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How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

TED

53K views 1 year ago

Warm-up Questions

When you hear the title “How to Tame Your Advice Monster,” what do you think an “advice monster” is?
Do you usually like giving advice, receiving advice, or neither? Why?
In what situations do people give too much advice (at work, with friends, in families, etc.)?

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How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

The advice monster appears (story + why advice becomes a problem) (00:00 – 03:20)

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1. What does the speaker admit he was doing while his friend was talking?

He was taking notes to remember details
He was checking his phone and ignoring her
He was pretending to listen because he already had advice
He was truly listening carefully

2. What does research say about doctors and interruptions?

They interrupt patients after about 11 seconds
They rarely interrupt patients at all
They interrupt only when the patient is wrong
They interrupt patients after about 3 seconds

3. According to the speaker, what is the main problem with advice?

The problem is when giving advice becomes our default response
The problem is that people never ask for advice
Advice is only for experts
Advice is always wrong

How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

How advice goes bad + the three personas of the advice monster (03:20 – 08:54)

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1. What is the first challenge with advice giving that the speaker mentions?

You avoid giving any solution
You’re busy solving the wrong problem
You don’t speak confidently enough
You ask too many questions

2. What is the third issue about giving advice (the one that “cuts both ways”)?

It guarantees people will follow your plan
It makes conversations too long
It makes you look unprofessional
It sends the message that the other person can’t figure it out themselves

3. Which advice monster persona is described as the “sneakiest”?

Save it
Control it
Tell it
Ignore it

How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

Taming the monster: stay curious with three key questions (08:54 – 14:08)

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1. What new habit does the speaker suggest to replace the advice-giving habit?

Avoid difficult conversations
Stay curious a little bit longer
Talk more to show confidence
Give advice faster

2. What acronym does the speaker connect with the question “And what else?”

E-M-P
A-W-E
A-G-H
T-E-D

3. Why is the question “What do you want?” important, according to the speaker?

It helps you avoid responsibility completely
It helps you win arguments
It makes other people depend on you
It becomes the foundation for action and progress

How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

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1. Which statement best summarizes the talk’s main message?

People should stop talking about their problems
Asking better questions can be more helpful than giving advice
Good leaders always have the answers
Advice is useless and should be avoided

2. In the talk, what is the purpose of asking “And what else?” repeatedly?

To pressure someone to answer faster
To change the topic when things get uncomfortable
To go deeper because the first answer is rarely the best or only one
To show you already know the solution

3. What is one likely result of letting your “advice monster” take over?

You may disempower others and feel exhausted yourself
People feel more autonomous and confident
You strengthen empathy and connection
You always solve the real problem quickly

Discussion Questions

Discuss the ideas from this video

How to Tame Your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TED

Which advice monster persona (“Tell it,” “Save it,” or “Control it”) do you relate to most? Give a real example.
Think about a time someone gave you advice too quickly. What did you actually need from them?
How could you use “What’s the real challenge here for you?” in your workplace or family conversations?
Is there a situation where giving direct advice is necessary? How can you balance advice with curiosity?